Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
