Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
