But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
