he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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