So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
