I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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