I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
