If that was your dad, he is hot
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i've created a new STD.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
