he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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