I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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