My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
