i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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