I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
