the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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