You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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