I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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