i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were destined to go to rehab together
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
