I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
