he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
