did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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