So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
