can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
