Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
