Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
