i would punch a child for taco bell
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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