I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
