THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
