he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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