I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
