Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
