i think my tv is drunk
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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