Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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