he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
