were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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