I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
