she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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