all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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