I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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