cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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