somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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