Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I will pee on everything he values.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
