every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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