Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
