It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
