I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
