I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
