Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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