I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
