Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
