Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm at about main and main street
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
