hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
