i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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