i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I touched a dick in church today
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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