I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
