I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
