The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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