Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
