Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just had sex on a roof
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
