i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
