That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
