Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
