She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They have beer where we have blood.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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