speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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