im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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